A Young Women's Fears About Childbirth

Over at Latina.com, one woman blogged about what she calls Baby Mama Drama. She discusses her and her friend's reservations about giving birth and motherhood. Their fears are certainly shared by American women of all races. Some of her thoughts:

I’m in no rush to have kids. I can barely take care of myself and I’m honestly kind of scared at the whole prospect of nurturing an entire other human being to life. Especially because no one ever talks about the downside of pregnancy. Giving birth is really painful and woman have long-term side affects with their bodies! What about postpartum depression? Do you really get bummed after giving birth? Mujeres with niños, I want to hear from you!

I tried to leave the following comment. I am not sure why the comment wasn't posted. It is probably too long.
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Hi,

It is nice to read your open and honest post. (And it is nice to duscuss birth with another Latina.) I am the mother of 7 children. I have given birth twice in the hospital with nurse midwives, once at home with a midwife, and 4 times at home medically unassisted, (with just my husband and family.)

With my first two I had never heard of home birth. But then a friend mentioned it and I studied it and prayed about it. When I was pregnant with my 3rd I took dinner to a lady who had just had her first home birth. I arrived just hours after her wonderful birth. She was in her bed, her boys were in the living room, husband washing dishes, and I just knew that I wanted a home birth too. It was so peaceful and comfortable.

So many of the fears that your friends and you have are products of unnatural, medicalized birth, as well as society's messed up ideas about women's bodies.

I love pregnancy. Yes, it has its difficulties, but it is also a very amazing time. As for pain in childbirth, I will share with you my beliefs. I consider it hard work and powerful. My hospital births were overwhelmingly painful. I cried, screamed and was so afraid. But my home births were NOT! I actually enjoyed them ALL!

With my first home birth, when labor started getting harder, I thought, "Well, I guess I should lie down in bed." ('cause that is what we all have been taught by the TV.) Well, I lied down and that REALLY hurt. So I got out of bed and that was the last time during that birth and all of my next 4 births that I ever lied down!!! These are the main things that made my births better:

* Standing, swaying, kneeling.
* Vocalizing (not crying or screaming or saying negative things. But moaning, saying positive things.)
* Water.... hot bath, shower, hot towels on my lower back and perineum
* My husband applying counter pressure on my lower back/butt
* Faith in God and my body, to believe that God created me to give birth and that fear hinders women birthing. What we think we create!
* Privacy... not having strangers watching me, no wires connected to me and someone's hand up inside me checking me every so often. I was free to make noise, move as I wanted and focus inward without distraction.

As for the side affects to our bodies. I have carried and birthed 7 babies. I look great. (Not being stuck up.) I am trim, most people say, "YOU have SEVEN children." I eat good wholesome food and only drink water and milk, occasionally juice. NO soda, coffee or liquor.

My chi chi's are bigger during pregnancy and breastfeeding, then they shrink. My tummy is slightly flaccid, and I have stretch marks. But my husband loves me anyway. He says that he respects all these changes in my body because I am the mother of his children.

As far as postpartum depression, if you study childbirth you will learn that traumatic hospital birth and c-sections increase the chance of this. Yes, medical care, and c-sections are sometimes necessary and definitely can be life saving, but MOST of the time birth is uncomplicated if it is left to run its course. Unnecessary interference can lead to a domino effect of interventions.

Things like episiotomy are rarely necessary if a woman is able to move about during labor and not lying in a bed. Laying in bed with feet in stirrups works against birth/gravity and makes it harder for a baby to come out. This is why doctors do episiotomies (which is cutting the perineum to make the birth canal wider.)

In one of the comments left about your post one mujer said something about having your doctor put in a couple of stitches after birth to make you tighter. That's horrible!!!! Episiotomies are avoidable, stitches hurt, and they can increase chances of PPD.

With all of my births I have not had any pain med., no episiotomy, and no PPD. I have also nursed all of my children from between 15 months and 3 years (most weaned at 2 yrs.) Breastfeeding helps prevent PPD.

Little sister, start reading about birth. The time to study birth is not when you are pregnant, because you might be nauseas, tired and busy, therefore you may not have a lot of time. The time to begin studying is before you are even close to conceiving. Which means you are on the right track for asking these questions!

Also, find a good guy to marry. Not some fancy guy who wants to live the high life. A man who is loyal, who wants to work hard and raise a family. And finally, I would encourage you to not try to have your cake and eat it too. A career and motherhood robs your child of its mother and robs you of the best (albeit trying) time of your life.

Some days I get very little done around the house, (like projects, or cleaning, or quiet time) but for example... when I see my 3 year old dancing and tumbling around the living room, singing to herself, and just being HERSELF, my heart is flooded with thanks to be able to witness her joy and peace, knowing that if she were in daycare she would be waiting for mommy, longing to go home and she would not have that peace and inner tranquility.

I am leaving you some links to posts that I have on my blog, as well as some other articles that address some of your concerns.

http://spiritledbirth.blogspot.com/2008/05/wonderful-homebirth-that-made-me-cry.html

http://journeytohomebirth-hbac.blogspot.com/2008/08/wall-street-journal-article-on-birth.html